Have you got the posibility to go to a psychologist?
This is the safer step to give. Before wondering if you could have this or that mental illness or a personality disorder.
I can see myself in you lots of years ago only that I didn't self-harmed but unluckily I hurt myself psychologically and socially. I chosed the easy path and put myself appart.
I don't come a lot in this subforum since I only have some traits but you are free to pm me if you feel like talking about your situation.