There's no crime in ruminating. The frequent asking of what if questions can, as you seem to know, make you feel depressed/drive you crazy. You deserve to get the help/support that you want. I hope you can tell your T that you don't want to work on that right now and that you need her for support. just out of curiosity, no need to answer if you don't want to, but do you have ocd? Let us know how your session goes. Take care.