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So, even though for several months I mulled over separating and at one point would have felt relief at it.. the timing and the way the separation was done, has left me devastated.
When I was 'ready' to separate, it only lasted a week before I started to miss him. I told him to come back, I had to make it work with him. But a month after this, he left me. Under the guise of an unrelated fight, just gone too far again.
It was like once he had taken a step, he just took another, and another. and another. Now he's 121 days away.
We had been together for 5 years. We have two small children together. We're both young, 21 and 22. Each other's first relationship. Our relationship had been toxic for a long time. Our life extremely stressful and unstable. Depression affecting my entire household - my partner, myself, and my parents - really brought my life down.
It's been 4 months. Neither of us have really let go properly, with several nights of sleeping together. As recently as last week, to be honest.
I'm trying to let go. He doesn't want a relationship anymore, doesn't care about me emotionally, doesn't even try to visit or see the children. He just works to support his mother now, and it seems any attempt at him contacting me will end in him seducing me with 'i love you, i want you, we can be together again' just to get me to sleep with him.
He did used to love me once upon a time. I feel like I've fallen from true love, to a worm in the mud he steps on as he walks by.
I've finally accepted it's time to walk away, but there's nothing I can do about how sad I feel. I'm in endless mourning.
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~ to alter your fate, you must be brave and willing to try something new ~
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