I don't know why but I have a sense of uneasiness in myself. No guess I can pinpoint certain things that are bothering me. I can't fully discuss it with my T. I woke up this morning wanting to harm with borderline suicide. The only thing stopping me from doing so are my kids.
However the feeling of wanting to cut is so strong. I'm actually hating myself and life right now. It's not something I want to make known either. I almost want to suffer alone. I really don't have people who could hear me out anyway and truly care. I have nothing to prove by doing so. I'm just that upset with myself and its and act that I don't want others to know if I did it. My issue with that is that in afraid of that escalating even further. I don't want to bother my T with it. I've promised myself that I wouldn't contact her out of session.