I've worked insanely hard to get to this place where I'm truly beginning to understand my dad's mistreatment of me when I was a child was not my fault. It feels like a massive relief, but at the same time, I'm feeling really sad.. Realising my dad's sick and simply incapable of being a proper dad means I cannot change him. So long as I believed it was my fault, I felt I could do something about it - if I could only come up with what exactly it was about me that made him not want me, I could have changed myself and then he would have wanted me as his daughter..

It's better this way, realising it's not my fault - but I am sad..