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Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress
I wouldn't read into the body language. He was probably just trying to be relaxed until he realized he was crowding you and wanted to give you room.
As to his statement. Those are very open-ended statements. We can't possibly know what he meant. You need to ask him to clarify. Just ask questions like, "Can you please explain what you mean when you said this reminded you of countertransference?" and "What did you mean when you said, you have your own history?" These are legitimate questions because HE brought it up. You have a right to an explanation.
Transference isn't always 'erotic' and it happens in all our relationships to some degree or another. There are lots of ways we have transference/countertransference in all areas of life. For example, If I look at my older male boss like a father figure- that's transference. If My boss, in turn, picks up on that feeling and starts to feel protective of me, that's counter-transference. Therapists can sometimes project parental feelings onto their clients. Transference/Countertransference is not a bad or good thing but it's the Therapist's job to be aware of when it happens and how it a affects their own behavior.
I've come to understand that I can be slow on the uptake with anything that reeks of 'confrontation' or difficult conversations, but also, I think sometimes there a part of us that doesn't want too much explanation because we know the reality may not be what we want to believe. I let those little statements go by without clarification—*because I'd rather project my own fantasy interpretation.
When we are in that space of crushing on T, it's easy and understandable that we might misinterpret or read into their behaviors. It's understandable that we want to feel special to them as well. It's a very raw and vulnerable space to admit those feelings. You deserve a thorough explanation of his own statements so that you can be grounded in reality.
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Thank you so much for your response.
It was really helpful I really appreciate that.
When you mentioned say someone feels like there boss is a father figure which is a transference and then the boss would pick up on it and start to feel protective over them.
So ok tell me what you think.
Last year I started therapy with him and he said to me usually it takes 2 sessions for him to accept a client. But it took 1 for him.
Later in processes I was getting frustrated because the therapy wasn't working. He told me "he wasn't doing psychotherapy" I asked why he said "It was his fault and he likes helping people" but Im.thinking wait but psychotherapy does help people. Huh?
Anyway so one session I open up about something that upsetted me. I asked how long is this therapy? Just because I've been moved around alot by therapist because they were students. One graduate and left and other thought I needed long term therapy. So that really affected me. He said to me he be leaving because his wife doesn't like him doing psychotherapy. He looked really sad about it. Then he said "she sick of paying for the bills"
Some other time he told me how he going to something else to create money in. And he said to me "its a crazy idea eh" and Im.thinking no it's just. I know it takes government a year to accept that. But I didn't say anything.
So there that. He would at times compliment my clothes.
When I told him I felted "excited.to see him and I get butterflys in my stomach. And sometimes I blush and maybe I have sexual feelings" and that's when he mentioned the countertransference.
So.Im.thinking because I said how I feel and he said countertransference.to me
Is he saying he felted the same way?
I know how some therapist or client project a.feeling out and other person picks it up. So Im wondering if that is what happening here.