I keep thinking 'I need to take better care of myself, I need to, I need to..!' - but I just can't seem to do it.. So today I stopped to think about WHY I seem to be incapable of looking after myself better..

I was shocked to realise I feel I don't deserve it. I feel I deserve to suffer That my dad was right when he hit me.. That's absolutely mental!

But I understand why I feel this way - no one did anything. No one did anything to try and stop him.. So, I guess in my child's mind that meant he wasn't doing anything wrong.. But I'm sure he was, right??

I need to let go of this.. I need to let go of thinking he was right! I didn't deserve his mistreatment of me, none of it.. I only deserved good things, just like any child! I deserved a dad who would have never hurt me on purpose.. Right?