I just reread my own posts and it glares of denial to me.... ramblings of a true addictive mentality.

My story and circumstances aside I think now that I'm not using anymore and can look back to those days and see the subtleties of its hold... perhaps I can be more objective and less naive about how it impacted my life and the lives of those who love me. Perhaps I can be less defensive about my past choices and behaviours.

Mr. Unstable help turned the light bulb on this for me... thanks........ I'd like to step into that same time machine and give more heed to what my ex was asking of me. It may have changed a lot for us. We talk about it now and then and at the end of the day there is no denying his intentions. To help me get well.

The truth is that the pot was enabling me to stay sick. When I couldn't cope by other means of self talk and relaxation exercises I'd use the pot and convince myself it was better than psych drugs. It eased the anxiety and gave me the manic type feelings I like. What I've learned since is that the relief is temporary and not without its side effects. Over time and misuse it began to magnify the anxiety once the high retreated. Its a slipper slop when one elects to self medicate with street drugs.

Learning how to relax with meditation and exercise has since replaced my pot 'medicine'. I've since learned too that my spirit got numbed along with my brain when I got high. At best it was an easy escape for a few hours.... at worst it was a trigger to cycle me into deeper anxiety and depression after the initial peace subsided. Its hard to see the truth sometimes..... even if its coming from a loved one. I thank my ex for staying true to his convictions and analysis of my use of pot. Had he turned a blind eye and said nothing I may not have ever faced my truth.

Sorry for highjacking your thread to share my own epiphany moment.