I completely understand feeling sad for your T--I found out my marriage counselor's wife passed away a few months ago, and it sort of crushed me, partly due to my strong transference for him. Plus, he's relatively young--early 50s--with 2 teenaged kids (and I have a daughter), so it just had sort of a tragic feel to it, though she'd apparently been sick for a long time. I know that's not the same as divorce, but it's still shaped the way I see him.

The thing with divorce is that there could be so many reasons for it. It doesn't mean a failing on your T's part. Relationships end all the time--sometimes it's just a matter of incompatibility, no real fault on either side. They may have just grown apart. It doesn't mean he can't be a good T or can't advise you on relationships.

Honestly, it's easier for me to have a T that doesn't seem perfect. I struggled to connect with and trust my individual T for a long time because her life just seemed so perfect. Her H (now retired) was also a T, and they used to own the practice together. They have a few kids and grandkids and live in a nice house in a ritzy area. She just always seemed so pulled together to me, that it was hard to see how she could relate to me. I finally mentioned that to her, and she laughed and said she'd have to tell her husband, that he'd find it pretty funny. As in, she's far from perfect.

So maybe try to use this to realize your T isn't perfect, doesn't belong on a pedestal, but maybe because of his life experiences, could relate to you better?