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Originally Posted by AllHeart
Agreed, it sounds like your t thinks he's "above the law." It's also a common way to keep the victim silenced -- using psychological manipulation like this makes the victim question reality which is exactly what is happening.
It sounds like there is an emotional love affair going on here along with abuse of power. Have you done any research into "signs of emotional abuse from a therapist?" Does any of it ring true for you?
Getting out of an extremely unhealthy relationship like this very difficult and can be a long process. I understand how hard it is to leave. Remind yourself often that what this t is doing is wrong, wrong, wrong. Accept it as truth. And keep getting validation from the other t that this is wrong. Keep arming yourself with solid, non-judgmental support and knowledge (emotional abuse, manipulation tactics, unethical t behavior, etc) and it will build your power.
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The addiction comment was so profoundly bizarre that even III knew it wasn't right even though I'm so obsessed with him. Yes, it's an emotional love affair for me. And it's become physically painful. I don't want to be graphic, but I'm having physical pain in my sexual organs and compulsively "taking care of myself" multiple times a day to relieve it.
I emailed him today to let him know how confusing and weird the addiction comments were to me and that I was in a lot of pain and that this was nothing at all like "an addiction to being kind" and he wrote back this weird message that said "I understand that you are feeling in pain" and then said if it felt like too much to bear to just make another appointment with him or the other therapist. I know this isn't right but sometimes I fall into this trance-like state where I can't reason with myself. I want to send him WILD messages about graphic sexual things that I'd be willing to do with him if he'd only give me the chance and the privilege to pleasure him. It's a real mess.
My friend wrote to me that his response proved that he's probably pissed that I cut back to once a week with him because it affects him financially. That woke me up a little bit. I have been broke for YEARS going to him twice a week but haven't been able to cut back because I'm so obsessed.
Thanks to all who are listening and responding without judgment. I've been through some very weird things in my life, and I think this might be the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me.