Artchic- I'm sorry u can relate. Being alone sucks.
Sadmernaid- thanks for your perspective on this.

I agree that I still have work to do on myself but I don't think that should mean i deserve to be alone until I am "fixed". I have the utmost respect for ppl on this board- some of the strongest people I know. But most of them have a lot of work to do on themselves too, yet they are not alone. Perhaps my mistake was not waiting to go crazy until after I got married? Sorry if that sounds bad, but really.

I feel like my only mistake was in picking the wrong person. So I wasted the last 8 years on and off trying to make something work with somebody I loved who didn't have the capacity to beat his own demons. I was the one holding the slack, extra rope wrapped around my ****ing throat. I was the strong one. I am not looking for someone to save me,
I don't expect a relationship to fix the depression, I just want to not be so alone.

And the idea of dating with a MI- I read a poll that like 70% of people said that finding out the person they were going to date was taking an AD would be a deal breaker. I think it is pretty brutal out there. Gonna try not to be so negative. I'm just frustrated.

Yes I have good friends. I try to keep in touch with them and keep those relationships strong. I think I do a decent job of it. But these people are the most important people in my world, and to them, I am on the periphery of their world. I'm not complainIng, their spouses and kids should be the center of their world. But it just makes for an uneven feeling relationship. And I have to make sure not to depend on any one of them too much or appear too needy or monopolize their time. I don't fault anyone for this. It's how life works. But for the lonely people, we just come off feeling pathetic.

Anyway, this is just an angry rant because I sometimes feel like screaming. Sorry if I am annoying. Have a nice weekend all.