You're not annoying at all, this is a place to come and barf out your feelings and be honest about them.

I know of one other member on this board who was terribly lonely, and who has found the beginning of an exciting relationship. Who knows where it will lead, but at least it has a chance to blossom into something significant...and it's cured the loneliness, at least for now.

I am one of the ones who has a spouse to share things with, and it does make things easier to be able to lean on her "normal", solid emotional self. That being said, it can be beaten alone, and once you have victory in taming your emotions then you have the ability and capacity to bring someone else into your life. You have the ability to love and be loved.

Are you putting yourself into situations where you can meet someone else with common interests? Someone who shares the same values as you? If you're involved in community things such as clubs, classes, and social events, then it's more likely you'll meet someone else. On the other hand, if you're sitting home alone with your cats, it's almost guaranteed you won't meet someone else. There are lots of fish in the sea, and they're not all cocaine-snorting bozos.

Best of luck both in your effort to tame your emotional/mood turmoil, and in your quest to find true love. It sounds cheesy, but that seems to be what you're looking for. I tip my hat to your efforts even to post about it on this board. It's a big step to make yourself emotionally vulnerable and share with us.