My depression and mental health is at rock bottom . a male friend of mine keeps texting and calling me offering me drugs . ive been ignoring him completely . but today he turned up at my home uninvited . he offered to come back this evening with a drug i used to be addicted to . i stupidly said yes . he will probably expect me to sleep with him in return for the drugs . im not happy about any of it but im feeling suicidal . i want to feel better . now I just keep looking at the time . I can't stop thinking about the drugs now . I just want to feel better even though it's just for a short time . drugs seem to follow me . people who take them seem to find me. He has been trying to have a sexual relationship with me . and now he has found a weakness in me that will help him get his own way . this has happened to me before and it didn't end well . obviously the underlying problem is me . but these people seek me out . they find my weakness get me back on drugs for their own needs and purposes . they always figure out that I used to take drugs . they figure out what that drug was . then they wait till I'm at rock bottom with my depression and mental health and they offer me this drug I was addicted to for free . well I say free but that's bs . nothing is ever free. There is always a catch . I wish these people would stop finding me . but at the same time I'm kind of excited right now because I know I'm going to feel good in a few hours . I don't know why I'm writing this . I don't know what I will gain from sharing this .