This idea that, if someone had a "rough life," you owe it to him to try and make up to him for that is, IMHO, really crazy . . . if you'll forgive me for saying so. Obviously, he thinks you owe it to him, and he will always think that . . . with you, or with whoever is in his life. Don't assume you have figured out what his anger is all about. It's a product of his experience, but it's also a product of how he chooses to view his experience - that life short-changed him and somebody must be punished for that. People have come from backgrounds just as hard as his - and even harder - and didn't conclude that their past was an excuse to be rotten to someone who gets close to them. But that's what he believes, and he will go to his grave believing that. You will not change him.

Another thing I believe is that you cannot "make" another person happy. Each of us "makes" our own happiness. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness. What I think you're failing to recognize is that some people treasure their own misery and will hug on to it. If they go to a therapist, it's only to make the case for how bad they got treated and for what good reasons they have for how miserable they are. And you believe that the problem isn't him; it's all that anger he has "inside him." No. It's him. That's who he is. It would be fun biting into a lemon, if it just didn't have all that sourness inside. But that's what a lemon is - sour. There is a window of opportunity, I believe, in the life of a child, where a bad attitude spawned by negative experience can be turned around by sufficient positive experience. But, by adulthood, the bad attitude has become hard-wired. That's who the person is. To an extent, that's who the person has chosen to be. Why some children in deplorable circumstances choose to not be crippled by it is a mystery I don't understand. But some do. He didn't.

Where is in written that you should allow poison to be spewed at you and you "should" be able to "withstand" it? Where did you get this cock-eyed theory? You think that's noble?

No doubt, this guy has some special charisma going on. I believe you on that. And, when he turns it on, it is the most exciting, compelling experience you've had with a man. I get that, as I had a tendency to gravitate toward charismatic men, myself. But you have to ask: is it worth it? Is it worth being chronically miserable for the sake of those occasional short intervals of heightened passion and intense gratification? Bear in mind that he's also a "passion junkie," too. Whenever you become familiar and dependable, he will grow bored with you and seek the excitement of someone new. That will be your future with him.