I appreciate that was very hard for you to write, Thank you for clearing that up.
I think that regardless of your husbands sexuality, (of which I am still undecided, their are some people who get aroused by fantasizing about doing things that disgust and humiliate themselves. )
your relationship is very unhealthy and your very unhappy.
So I guess my question is why are you stAying?

It sounds very much some time away to clear your head and decide if this is a situation really salvageable.
Be kind to yourself and take care.