The site that was what I would called anti ASD linked from here yesterday, well I felt alright about it yesterday. Because it was so exaggerating, like all aspies being like really bad all over and low functioning in every aspect, when in fact it really varies.

But I started thinking about myself and how I say I manage fairly well having aspergers. I think that thought comes from a somewhat inflated ego from coping well at school. Learning always came easy to me. But life is not school, is it?

I realize I AM many of the things listed as not coping well and also they claimed aspies don't have insight, well I think many do, but I realize I never really understood how poorly I managed so my insight was flawed. I also thought I compensated better than I actually do.

Just by existing I seem to annoy people.
I can't work. I totally failed my last work practice, there was so much information I couldn't remember even half of it, yet others could take all the details in and remember them, quickly. And it was a so called easy job. I depend on disability to just put food on the table. I'm hopeless at working. I'm physically ill as well so I can't work because of that but now I realize if I was physically all better, I still couldn't work. Cuz I suck at working.
I depend on meds, many different, because I cannot control my mood and anxiety.
I used to do art but I lost that talent. So I don't have that either.
I lost inspiration with writing. So that is gone too.
I am musical but I'm too lazy to practice so that is a wasted talent.
I deprive the people I hang out with from emotional support. I don't even give them hugs when they need them.
I can't manage to clean up my place, I have a helper for that. Still half my home is a pig sty. Cuz I suck at cleaning.
So I'm some kind of semi book smart with no application at all in real life.

It feels weird to understand how bad I really am at things. Cuz... I thought I managed. I don't. At anything. It really clashes with the image of myself that I think was founded when i was maybe 8 to 10 years old, going to a small school where "everyone" could fit in... and where I felt normal.

So plz tell me... how do I manage now understanding I am a useless person? How do I go on with my life?