One of these days I'm going to learn not to post while deep in a mde...

Laurie, I agree with you up to a point, but there's nothing typical or common about our relationship. I was having a very, very bad day when I posted, and for me, that means a lot of crap falls out of my brain that I wish I could take back.

Everything I said was true at the time, but it's not true all the time. Does that make sense? Probably not, but basically what happened is his actions triggered my PTSD which my bipolar depressive episodes feed off of. That's the conclusion I came to after talking with my therapist.

Hubby did try to take me to OU medical center's psych unit, but they wouldn't take me. Oklahoma is so screwed up. I was told I could end up anywhere in the state once they finished my intake, and I wasn't willing to end up in some dump in some hick town. That wasn't the solution either.

I am still learning to be proactive with myself. I have stopped drinking, and so has my husband. We were both smashed that night we had that fight, and it was a fight - that I started. I'm not saying I deserved what he did, but I am saying I share in the responsibility for the events leading up to it. He wasn't the only one who got physical. It's hard for me to admit that I've hurt someone I love, as it is for him, but we both know our own hearts, and as long as we don't drink, we feel it won't happen again. If I'm wrong, well, I can still leave.

Now if I can just figure out a way for my PTSD and bp to coexist, I might just be okay.

WW