hello drummergirl, why should we even have to experience life at all...could'nt he just give us a free pass? if he really loved us you'd think he'd spare us all this...that was his original plan,but we screwed it up...everything that has happened since is a consequence of that...sickness, death,war, etc...all of these things were brought on by us! God knows that we CAN'T pass any test so he sent his son Jesus to die as our atonement (an incomprehensible act of love). God is our heavenly father,and we're his rebellious children whom he'd like to help if we'd only let him. As long as we want to try to be God he will let us! At some point we should come to an understanding about who he is and what we are and realize that he has his own plans and freewill too! I'm really glad that he's in control and I for sure don't understand his ways but I trust in his promise to work all things out for the benifit of his children of which I am one! I truly understand you're pain of loss,my father died recently...I have to tell myself "Lord,not my will but yours be done on earth as it is in heaven" and then I can have his peace about it...I pray the same thing for you and that somehow I've answered your questions...so, to summarize..he's God,he loves you, trust in him he's smarter than us, need his love/healing? make some room in your heart for it and ask him in.