It’s cold. Much to cold for me to feel well.

My body is numb, my head full of thoughts .. thoughts that I’m scared will be acted out because I can’t feel anything.

Its too quiet. All I can hear are the pangs of the white noise in my house, buzzing like a pest that I can’t force out of my mind. The TV downstairs is being occupied by my roommates… an old biography on music is faintly playing. It’s just cheap noise to me..

The dull yellow from my light shins in my room. I hate that yellow. It reminds me of a drab room filled with sickness. Filled with sorrow... with pain.

I can’t go anywhere in my house that will comfort me. It’s too occupied… except for here. In my room.

I need so badly to be comforted.

I feel like I’m living in some alternate reality where people don’t have any concerns of their own … but I intern feel the pain of everyone else on my shoulders. I don’t know what to do with this pain.

I want to wash it all down the drain … but I can’t. Dr’s appt is too soon. Can’t have fresh ones when I see her.

It’s so cold.

I’m so scared.

I’m so sorry… I’m no good to you anymore. But I don’t think I ever was in the first place.