I am 5 more nths out of a 41-year marriage. I know exactly what you're talking about. You can curb the obsessive thinking with a boundary over time, but not initially. The pain is so intense. My heart goes out to you. But remember, underneath all these emotions, you know what you know. If you try to stuff away and ignore that inner voice, you will reject yourself as surely as he has rejected his once beloved family.

I can tell you that I am sooo much better after only 5 months than I was when it first happened. Take good care!