Your post hits very close to home and I admit that I am doing and have done the same type of things to my wife of 37 years. I am at times consumed by the guilt of the things I've done in the past. I am the king of rumination and would do anything to take back some of the things I've said and done. My wife on the other hand sees our marriage from a different viewpoint. Where I remember the bad things I've done she remembers the good. She sees me so differently than I see myself. She sees a kind and considerate man beset with a mental illness but who is also incredibly kind and considerate. I have no advice to give other than my own experience. Sorry about the ramble. Hope this helps. shaggy