my mantra is "to live joyfully in a world of sorrows" ... the world will never change only our perception of it ... I try to be positive and I try to project that toward others ... when I am alone I am afraid the truth over whelms me sometimes ... this is a bad weekend for example ... I really do believe the answer is to accept things as they are and be joyful even in the mist of it ... in the east this would be called enlightenment ... for me ... just torture ... sometimes to know is not the best way to be ... the idea is to over come desire (for things) and fear of death ... death is no concern for me ... the idea of not providing (things - money) to maintain my family is my modivation and my downfall ... it prevents me from reaching that peace that would allow me to enter the gates of eternity ... positive ... in my physical life I try to be ... in my spiritual life no ... because I have been unable to cast off my desires ... I can have no spiritual life ... I must live in the land of duality ...