So I’ve had issues with my mental health since I was a child of about 11 or so. I was hospitalized because of it twice as a preteen/ teenager. It hasn’t reached that point where I’ve needed to be locked away but I fear I may be hitting my limit. I am currently 30 and recently got out of my long term relationship with my boyfriend. We had been together for about 8 months, living together for about 5 of them. Things were not going well and we were both too stressed out because of various life problems. My declining mental health really did not help matters much. It’s been 2 weeks since I had to move back in with my parents and honestly I don’t see things getting any better if I continue to live my life the way I’ve been without making significant changes. Mainly finding a better job, one that I don’t despise going to and trying to manage my anxiety and stress so that it doesn’t ruin the remaining relationships that I have left.
The problem is figuring out what I should do while trying not to succumb to my inner demons of self-loathing and doubt that seem to be persistent despite everything that I try to distract myself. I know that I don’t want to stay here with my parents any longer than I have to and I try my best to be active and away from here but, it just doesn’t seem like I can ever really do enough. I know I’m just a huge disappointment and a failure as an adult because I’m back at home with them.
I'm just so tired of always feeling like i'm stumbling around in the dark all the time.