In my head, i'm all confused. I keep going back and forth with the same questions. Do i really have a problem here or do i not? Am i an alcoholic or am i not? Ive had as many people tell me i do have a problem as those who say i dont.

I been reading the 'Big book'. Some things in there i can very much relate to. But is it just a general thing that pretty much any person can relate to? or is it something specific that only a select group can understand? Or is it just in my head, becuase drinking has been a norm for so long, that i dont know better.

These thoughts in my head are killing me. Mixed with evrything else, i'm confused and numb to any feelings. I cant make a decision to safe my own ***.

My t told me that before i can help myself and start to get better that i need to make the decision on what i'm going to do on this one issue.

Next week when i see my t she is going to have a questionaire for me to fill out. She said that when i finish i will have my answer. And from that answer, i need to admit to myself and stick with that decision. And either way it falls we are going to work through it.

I filled out that questionaire from 'partier or alcoholic' post that Rayna posted. Thirteen out of the 20 was yes. And that many yes's says i am an alcholic.

So if i am an alcoholic, why cant i see it the way you guys see it? I hate this. Becuase i want so bad to feel better, but i cant even get past this %#@&#!. I'm so frustrated with all of this.