I was around 7 years old when I became aware of the family's dysfunctional problems -- my parents' mental illnesses (borderline/bipolar mother and emotionally vacant/abusive father).

Two memories of my early scapegoat role come to mind. When my father took me to the circus when I was 7, he didn't walk next to me, but about 15 feet ahead of me. We quickly got separated and I spent a long time wandering around inside the circus tent looking for my father. When I found him, he seemed annoyed and blamed his abandoning me on me.

I was sad for the entire circus visit because he pretty much ignored me, even when we sat down to watch the acts perform. He didn't buy me any cotton candy or anything, and when we got home he told my mother we had a great time.

Another memory I have from childhood, was when this kid blamed me for his toilet for a mouth and told his parents I was a bad influence on him. A group of us would walk to/from school together for 4th grade. This boy had a toilet for a mouth one morning, and the rest of us 4th graders in the group were pretty dumbfounded.

We heard words we didn't know the meaning of come out of his mouth (just use your imagination). He obviously heard them from an adult, maybe his parents? Anyway, he blamed me and so his mother called and yelled at my mother. Well, my mother screamed at me and didn't believe me when I told her the truth. His mother had him walk with a new group of schoolkids and low and behold, rinse and repeat.

He blamed another kid for his toilet mouth and this time, the other kid's parents laid into this boy's mother hard, and reported him to our school principal. We found out through neighborhood gossip. Did my mother ever apologize to me for not believing me? Nope. She just mentioned that this boy's mother got into trouble for her son's behavior. But she never apologized to me for accusing me of lying etc.

I can relate to your post too. My brother became a raging narcissist to the point where he can lie without batting an eyelid. We're estranged permanently (thank goodness). My sister definitely has some narcissist traits too but not as defined as our brother's narcissism.

Our mother is still alive and she still tells me regularly how much of a loser I am. I will always be the outsider in my family. I don't even have my family added to my Facebook page. I only added my sister and two cousins from my entire family. Estrangement is the only way I can cope with being the family scapegoat.

My siblings are the golden children because they are married with children and great jobs. While I'm highly educated, I still live paycheck to paycheck because I work jobs beneath me to make ends meet. I haven't had any luck finding a well-paying job and I've tried for years. Years.

The long term effects of the emotional abuse and scapegoating give the scapegoats invisible scars that manifest themselves in different ways. I found this online and I think it's pretty accurate:

Signs that you are the family scapegoat:

• You’re told often what YOU need to change
• You’re excluded or overlooked for family events, functions or activities
• You’re the butt of sarcasm and negative remarks
• You’re iced out by certain family members (it’s like you don’t exist or have been forgotten)
• Often you hear statements that begin with “If you_____ “ presenting something you should do to get the acceptance and love you’re looking for. i.e. if you do this then you can have that.

My mother, sister and brother have never apologized to me during our lifetimes for anything they've done or said that hurt my feelings. They treat me as if I am their punching bag. I don't even speak to my mother anymore unless its at a holiday gathering and even then I don't share anything with her or my sister and her family about what I'm doing with my life. I think that's very sad, but it's the reality I live with everyday. My sister doesn't include me in her children's lives either. I do send them birthday and holiday cards but they never call me and make no effort to get to know me, their aunt.