My parents are dead. After their death the family reconfigured so that certain siblings became more like parent figures. I had been in the scapegoat role. I was hoping things would change after it was just the siblings but I was kept in the scapegoat role. It was evident during a family reunion my sister organized when she was terminally ill. I was clearly still the scapegoat. So I really think that maybe once you have this role you can't get rid of it. At one point I had a great marriage, home, a very talented and lovely child, friends, a career and meaningful hobbies and volunteer work...and my family still treated me as invisible. I would send them huge boxes with Christmas gifts and never once got a thanks. When I got a master's degree not one sibling offered congrats. That's how it is with the scapegoat. You are designated to hold all the pain of the family that other member's ignore.

Now I am broken down and in a pretty dangerous mental state. Can you believe I still went back to siblings for support? But of course they like my present position. I am like a pain magnate.

What also happens is I keep ending up in toxic work and other environments. I recently was let go from a job after a month's probation. Looking back I can see how I was scapegoated from practically the first day. I injured my finger on the job and the next day they let me go. I didn't even get medical care for it. Always the victim.

I guess the only way to get out of the scapegoat role is to get strong and get protected. Not one bit of vulnerability can be shown. This doesn't mean getting aggressive or even being too assertive as people will pick up on it. I think it means being strong and very well protected by personal boundaries.