Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
You site very valid reasons for being stressed and sad. It's a great accomplishment to be getting your doctorate. Be kind to yourself.
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To me, a great accomplishment would be getting a job that pays enough to live comfortably. A doctorate is unfortunately just a piece of paper. And maybe it's just because I've been surrounded by people with graduate degrees, but it seems like anyone who wants one can get one anymore, so it doesn't seem as special as it should be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clara22
Hi,
You said you feel guilty as you did not do a job search, along with everything else and because you are not working more hours and that you must look lazy and entitled.
Why you said that? You don't need to answer if you don't want
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I think you misunderstood me (or I miswrote?). I feel like I look lazy and entitled because I'm only working 10-15 hours usually while looking for and applying to jobs if I can find them, along with finishing my dissertation, taking more classes, going to rehearsals and playing gigs. I mean, on paper it doesn't look like enough. I'd like to work more, but it seems that I don't get much if any work done if I work, say, 30 hours. I've done a couple of musicals and tech week is about 30 hours or so. I just barely survive schoolwork during that week.
I think all in all, I'm in an environment that's not healthy for me. I don't feel comfortable being myself in real life, which makes interacting with other people difficult. Do I take a risk and let the mask slip? Is it ok to have a different opinion? I'm pretty sure just about whenever I have a conversation with someone on campus, I'm accidentally saying something wrong or something that makes me look bad, or something that will turn into gossip. People just see me as extremely shy. I just don't know what the right things to say are and it's isolating.
I'm deeply ashamed about everything that's different about me and it prevents me from even pursuing friendships. I mean, you can't develop a close friendship if you can't go beyond a superficial level. I have tried, but I've gotten invalidated.
I almost made a friend when I first moved here years ago, but unfortunately, I thought I maybe had feelings for him and he made sure I knew that he thought I was creepy. That just sort of ruined everything. I've made some temporary friends off campus in the past (although not so much in the last three years), but I really want to be able to open up to peers, the people I have the most in common with.