So the other night we had a new guy in group. He tells his story and it's about his recent marriage ending, how difficult a time he had with it then and afterward, etc. And it reminded me a lot of my own hard time in dealing with my last breakup (which I still dwell on constantly). In fact, his story seemed very familiar to me. But when T asked me how I felt, I just said that it sounded really hard and sad. I never even implied that it was very similar to my own story. I don't know why I didn't. T asked me about it the next day in individual therapy. I couldn't even think of a reason why I didn't share that. Sometimes I don't say the most obvious things. Things like "oh look, we have that in common." I think I was partially nervous because the situation was different with someone new in it. But I'm not sure why else. Maybe I thought it would detract from his story somehow if I implied that it was similar to mine. Or something. Ultimately it's probably that I still feel self-conscious in group, makes it hard to talk naturally. I don't know if I'm ever going to get over that! But it's no wonder I can't be close to people when I fail to even mention that we have things in common.

Did I mention I don't like change? T said he was going to have to change things more often for me so I'd carry things over more from group into my normal life. I don't know how much I carry over. I do know social anxiety is not as bad as it was for me, although that wasn't my primary reason for entering group. I don't know if I'm really learning to be closer to people or not. Sometimes I feel like I'm being more natural when I'm making small-talk in the lobby. At least I'm not self-conscious then. I don't know.

This is just a rambling collection of thought about Monday's group. It interests me. I do tend to feel less depressed after group.

Sidony