Hey Chalm, maybe, right now you don’t need to even decide if you are an alcoholic. If drinking is a problem and you want to quit because of what it is doing to you, then that is enough. What is important right now is what you decide to do, not what label you put to yourself. I am not sure that taking any type of “alcoholic quiz” is going to give you any new revelations. You know what alcohol is doing to you. I had to take a good, long, hard look at what alcohol and drugs were doing to my life and when I did that, it was apparent that alcohol and drugs were making me miserable. Then I had to become willing to make a change. The change did not happen overnight.

I don’t attend AA and I don’t relate to a lot of what is said in the Big Book. There are good points in the Big Book and AA has some great ideas about recovery. You don’t have to accept or believe all of it. Take what works for you and leave the rest. Personally, I had to create a program of recovery that met my own needs and beliefs. What is important is that I have a program of recovery that works for me.

I have adapted many of the steps, but I did not change step one. It was important to me that I came to some type of understanding about my inability to control my drinking/drugging. I tried everything—only drinking on weekends, only having 2 drinks, only drinking beer, only smoking pot…I always ended up drunk or stoned and miserable. I had to admit to myself that I really was unable to control my using and that the world was not to blame for my problems—it was the alcohol and drugs that were making me feel so bad.

I can relate to your frustration. I struggled for years before I was able to finally string together some sobriety. So much of this did not make sense to me when I first got clean and sober. I had to stick with the decision to quit…the understanding has slowly been seeping in as I stay clean. It has been a long drawn out process. You are exactly where you are suppose to be right now—where you go from here is up to you.

Don’t try to “see things the way we see them.” We don’t have all the answers. Become clear on exactly how YOU see things. It is your point of view and your interpretation of things that matters most. Therapy, alcoholic questionnaires and other people in recovery might be useful to give you some new ideas about things, but when it comes right down to it, it is your life, your mind, your soul…you are a very special and unique person. Only you can decide what is right for you.

I wish I could give you some of the peace I feel from being sober. I wish I could take away your confusion and relieve your struggles so you would know how wonderful sobriety is…I am not going to mislead you—getting sober is tough—it is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, but the benefits are so incredible. My life is not perfect now, but I know what peace is and sometimes, I even feel joy.

Hang in there. Respect your own beliefs and trust yourself to come to the right decision. But remember, you are dealing with alcohol…be careful, you are not misled.