Unfortunately all that Mends a broken heart is time, clinched as that is, and occasionally realisation. Sometimes a person is fortunate to wake up and realise just how miserable they were and with guacamole relief that the situation is over.

I think your attempting to stay No Contact is a good idea, very hard and takes considerable courage, but if you can stick strictly to it, you can regain some of your power.

Don't punish yourself for still caring, for still wanting him back, your feelings are still valid even if they aren't healthy.
I really hope you make it out the other side.

Accept support where you can, talk to others who have been through it. Another poster here has gone through similar, and has some great words of positivity. (See Grandessa)
I know your not there yet, but I really hope you make it.