Hello.

I want to post about my struggle with emotional anorexia. I'm 31, Male and in a relationship with a beautiful woman. I had some violent contact made when I was little, sexual, physical and emotional, and it is difficult for me to relax around people I know well. I see my family members about once a month, and we "get on", but I'm pretty distant. Although I have a good sense of humour and a lot of creative energy, I can "turn it off" suddenly and then feel alone, frightened and trapped.

I am trying to overcome this with my girlfriend. Sometimes we go a month without sex. Sometimes I find it hard to look her in the eye. I find it very difficult to express my emotions around her - to cry, to use emotional language. I find it hard to give her affirmations, and when she writes to me I often don't reply, or send a quite functional "what time are we meeting later?"

I know this lives in my body. I know that I can work every day using Somatic Experiencing, Trauma Release Exercises and Feldenkrais to relax, get in touch with my emotions and reconnect with her. I also know that when she and I are well connected, it feels great; we are in love. When I avoid her it takes a part out of me; it is expensive and it's me who pays for it. I feel restless, irritable and unhappy.

I also find Nonviolent Communication helpful, to get in touch with empathy and the fact that there is no such thing as a "normal" or "healthy" person, and that these labels are quite damaging and self-fulfilling.

Today I'm going to make the effort to look her in the eye when I meet her, tell her about my feelings and ideas, and have a sense of humour around her, to be silly and fun.

Thank you for reading,

Boogie.