My stock of meds, it's gone

Over the past year or so I was taking more benzos.. just to stay alive

I was hoping I would .. go .. in my sleep, maybe "magical thinking" or something.. it hasn't happened

But my "safety net" which wasn't really a safety net has gone..

I have no idea how to keep doing this thing called life with no meds

(If I try a different med, things just get worse, extreme allergies. Apologies to anyone and all who may be tired of hearing this about meds.. I wish it would stop )