I just came from a walk outside, and I feel like crying. Everyone seemed full of vitality and energy. People were walking fast as if they were trying to reach a desirable destination, and talking with each others with smiles and laughs, while I was dragging my body with a broken soul with my head down. I'm trying to accept the fact that I'm alone, but it's too painful. The world to me seems beautiful and delicious, but it's forbidden for me to enjoy. It's like the forbidden fruit. Out of reach. I used to go out and do things alone, but not any more. I've lost all interests and motivation. You call it depression, I call it being here has been a huge mistake. I'm not supposed to exist. I'm not equipped with what it takes to live. After about 3 decades and a half, and I'm still hiding in my shell because I'm so fragile to step out. If I did I would be crushed mercilessly. I'm dead more than alive. I barely leave my apartment which is bad enough, but when I leave it I even feel worse.