Direction, my husband, from whom I have been separated for almost 1 month, is very controlling. We are forging our new relationship as separated parents of our children. It's not easy to know how to do this, is what I'm finding. This book has a lot of good suggestions:
Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child by Isolina Ricci. One of the suggestions that we are using is to try to interact with each other as you might a business colleague. We hold weekly "business meetings" at a neutral location (in public). We each have a list of agenda items we want to go over. We discuss them and then leave. I like how I can save up things to discuss over the whole week instead of having to have more frequent contact by phone or email (and sometimes we do that too). A lot of tension is relieved by just not having to interact with him so frequently. The book says some couples might need to meet weekly, some more or less frequently. Weekly seems to be working for us right now. It is very helpful if both parents can read the book, but even if only you do, you still may find some good suggestions to share with your ex-wife.

Tonight we had our business meeting at a local coffee house. After we were done with the agenda items, my husband wanted to chit chat about how hard his job is right now. I just nodded my head but did not encourage him. The conversation ended. I have listened to this for 20 years, all about his job and I am supposed to be interested and ask questions and stuff. Has he ever shown interest in my career or asked me questions? No. Even when I had told him several times how his lack of interest hurt me. Tonight, I felt really liberated. I don't have to talk about his effing job with him! I don't have to be supportive when he is not to me! Hallelujah. I love it! Anyway, I felt like at least tonight, he was not controlling our conversation anymore. I am happy to stick to the business items.

I agree with others who have suggested therapy to learn to be more assertive. If things are really bad, go for some couples counseling. Even divorced couples need to know how to communicate and interact. (If you do this, try to find a therapist who works wth divorced couples a lot.)