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I’m struggling tonight. I’m have racing and obsessive thoughts that just won’t stop. I’ve thought a lot about using. Even started the search to find stuff. I’ve played things forward. I know what I have to lose. There is so much!! It’s not stopping me right now though. Which is scary to me.
I know I should talk to my friends about my thoughts and feelings, but I feel like I’m literally going crazy right now. I feel like my thoughts will not make sense to anyone. Even if I could get them out enough to express them.
I took a lot of my propranolol to help ease my anxiety. It’s making me drowsy. So tonight I will stay clean because I can’t drive anywhere. Thank goodness!
Tomorrow I see my counselor. Emailed her and she asked me to come in at 12:30pm PST. I’m going to make it happen. Called into work.. Ugh. Oh well. Got to take care of me and get out of this space before I do something stupid.
Off to attempt sleep.
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