Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopingtrying
 I was aggravated by his behavior but felt like if I complained he would turn everything I said around--ie find things I say just prove how crazy I am. So while in this state of mind, I said nothing but an hour later rerouted one of my payments (going to me--it is not his earnings) to my personal account rather than our joint account. I am sure I will change the payment back to going to our joint account again next month. I feel like he has total power over my life sometimes and, to me, having my own money is a sort of power. Until my attempt, I have always tried to work because I just needed to for the sake of my self-esteem.... |
It could end up being good luck that I did this. Due to H and I's serious disagreement last night, he was threatening to leave. I don't think he means it but he did state, "You are a terrible partner," because we disagreed about the kids. He has always been controlling verses encouraging to them. He feels threatened and hurt that I don't see things totally his way. Sadly, the thought of him leaving does not make me that sad. What is wrong with me? It is so sad that I always feel like I have to choose between him and my kids, my family, etc. I have thought a lot about why I was initially attracted to him and some of the attraction was that we was controlling like my mother was. When I met him, I was doing impulsive things in my relationships with other bfs that I did not feel good about. His, my way or the highway approach towards me brought order into my life (I was "burning the candle at both ends"). Bottom line--we were drawn to each other because we both have mental issues. He doesn't see it that way. He sees it as I am the one with all the issues....Of course, I am the one with all the diagnoses, the one who was committed involuntary after my attempt, etc.