Hello,

Thank you for the advice. Yes, we are in the process of finding a therapist. I'm also looking at videos online which are helpful.

I want to write a little more here, to express these feelings which are quite difficult. Sometimes the resentment and judgements I feel toward her are so strong; I find it almost impossible to look her in the eye, or touch her. My mind just runs through the behaviours and habits of hers which bother me. It reminds me of growing up around my mum, when I'd find it almost impossible to talk, I'd be very withdrawn and resentful. I've looked online at the tendencies of emotional anorexia, and one of them is "frequent criticism of partner."

I'm keeping the criticism to myself, scared of expressing these experiences. It's a little like being in a tomb.

Last night I came home, and I felt totally exhausted. I found it hard to be light and jokey, or to look at her.

I feel scared that she will say or do something "intrusive", come into my space somehow. It's a really old, deep fear. I guess it's my "amygdala" remembering people coming into my space when I was little.

Today I'm going to carry on fighting against it:
- staying in touch with my emotions
- letting my emotions out around her (e.g. sadness, fear, excitement)
- making an effort to look at her, touch her, talk to her
- keeping the criticism to myself, letting it pass, writing it down if necessary.

Also, yes, keep looking for a therapist.

Thank you,

B