I'm going to get to the truth about myself now. Seeing a psychiatrist today who I saw once 7 years ago. It's been a long, futile road, and I am just totally confused now as to if I am MI, what is my illness, and what to do now with my life.

I am in so much pain now. I need help. I need someone on my side.

Either she will diagnose and medicate me into staying in my miserable marriage, and therapy and meds will teach me to cope. Or she will support me and help me work with my lawyer to go through with a divorce and leave, helping me set up a life as a single woman, and learn how to live independently.

I'm terrified.