I don't want to go on living my life this way, I want things to be the way they used to be before I was depressed. I know it will never happen. If I could go back in time and find the exact point that my depression started I would change whatever the change was. there is no sense living in the past I know, but my future does not seem bright with the woman that I love, the woman I promised my life to and the woman who gave birth to my two lovely children. I want to be happy but I feel like I am on a never ending slope and each step I take does not get me closer to the goal I am trying to acheive. I can see the top of the mountain, but I am not making it there for some reason. I know I am not going to give up, but I just need some help being pushed up that mountain. Reinforcement of some kind. My life is not a terrible life this illness just really gets me down it makes me think about things that are not true. It makes me second guess people and their intentions. It makes my wife feel like I do not love her. The depression has got to go...I will not allow it to swallow my life...I am a fighter...I am that Dragon...I am stronger than my depression...just a little help that is all. The Dragon's heart of fire needs to be stoked a little to get the embers burning again. I am not a person that does not love, I am a person that is depressed and cannot help it. I just want to wrap my arms around my family and tell them that I am back. That is all, I am not seeking forgiveness because I have already forgiven myself and I know God has too. I am just seeking touch.