trigger warning for: child sexual abuse (csa), r*pe, abuse, violence
----------

i am not sure if this is the correct place to vent about my issues regarding repressed memories and intrusive thoughts regarding them and the way i cope using hypersexuality, and if it isn't please let me know and i'll delete this thread, thank you. THIS THREAD MIGHT BE TRIGGERING TO SOME, SORRY.

lately, i feel nothing. i don't feel emotions - except for intrusive thoughts and constant uncontrollable desires to be sexually abused by older men, usually in their 30s. i am 18. i've been dealing with these thoughts since i was 14-16 years old, but they stopped. they're back now that my nightmares are back. i have intense thoughts about me getting mistreated, insulted and abused (everything against my consent) by older men, and i can't seem to control them. they don't even get me sexually excited, they're just here. and i can't shake them off, and they're starting to be annoying. i've been thinking of this all day, it's everything due to repressed CSA memories.

i don't know, i don't think i'm lookin' for advice. i'm just looking for an answer or some sort of reassurance: is this normal for abuse victims to feel like this? thank you for ur time.