Hi,

I'm about 2 years sober and you sound a lot like the kind of drinker I was. Even as a kid was highly anxious, introverted, and socially-phobic. I remember discovering booze as a teenager and it was the perfect medicine - it let me interact with my peers and, more than that, come out of my shell and be a fun person that everyone wants to be around. If you asked me then, I would have said that my drunk self was a truer expression of who I really was than sober me. I knew alcoholism ran in my family but truthfully, at best, I didn't care and at worst maybe even glamorized it a little bit. Over time I began to have less and less control over my behavior when I was drinking and I started causing myself more harm than good, both socially and physically. I too went back an forth wondering if I had a problem or not. If you are asking yourself that question, there's a good chance you are already into the problem zone. I decided to conduct an experiment and stop drinking, and nothing could have prepared me for how horrifyingly difficult that process would be. I had no idea how much of myself I had lost and how broken my mind and body had become until I tried to stop. The sooner you start down that road, the sooner you can be done with it!

The hardest part for me was definitely the social anxiety. I could power myself (with a lot of effort) through a day or two without booze but as soon as I had to interact with other humans, I was chugging Listerine in the bathroom. Speaking from experience, any anxiety you are normally prone towards gets MUCH WORSE while you're quitting. You may find it beneficial to start dialing back gradually, maybe keep a journal of your thoughts and anxieties. I've always found that talking things out with myself on paper made it easier to tell when I was over-thinking something and when I needed to explore further. If getting help is an option, I would definitely recommend seeking out a counselor, psychologist, or even an AA group. I didn't find the 12 step program to be beneficial to me personally (although it does wonders for some people), but just having a group that I could spill my guts to without having to feel judged was great. They will lovingly tolerate all your anxious back-and-forth thoughts. Especially if you're not certain you have a problem, it can be both a sobering and an insightful experience to talk with people who have struggled with alcohol. If social interactions are hard for you without booze, it may be best that you avoid them as much as possible while you get through the first couple of weeks. Really, there's no other "how to stop drinking" besides "just stop". Having a buddy to keep you motivated, a group, or a sponsor, a doctor even, can all help you along the way, but the bottom line is will power. Just try to set up your circumstances as much in your favor to avoid triggering your need to drink.

At the end of the day, just remember that booze is just a chemical - and not a very nice one. It doesn't have the power to make you more fun or more interesting or even more you. All it really does is poisons you until the higher thinking has quieted. For those of us with anxiety, that can seem like a blessing - but it's not. Drinking is bad for a lot of reasons, but I think the worst thing it does to us is stop us from coping, growing, and learning - it arrests our development and numbs the complex thoughts we need to grow into the amazing people we are meant to become. You might like yourself better while drinking now, but the longer you drink the less good effects you are going to experience and the more your body and mind will begin to deteriorate. You may be one of the lucky ones among us who will be able to drink socially for the rest of your life without becoming an alcoholic, but it's important that you make sure you can stop and that you give your body a chance to heal between drinking. When you try to quit, you'll learn real quick just how bad (or maybe not so bad!) you've gotten.

Best of luck in your journey!