Hello. Thanks all for the wonderful support and advice. It is truly appreciated!
Last night was awful. He called and screamed at me, told me he was going to kill himself and then said was going to kill me..

As much as this is going to sound absolutely insane. I feel incredibly guilty. I feel so sorry for him it makes me sick to my stomach. Im trying to keep in mind all the horrible things he said and did over the past couple years. It was out of control and there was many times I had, had enough and wanted to leave but he wouldn't let me or something always brought me back.

This is so much harder than I thought. Im completely heartbroken. I always just wanted it to work
Why does it feel so wrong to leave