Dechan I know it's frustrating when it feels like you are going round in circles, and you are trying so hard that your energy levels are taken up by it all - it's exhausting.

If you feel like posting here is not helpful for you then that's okay, and although many of us would miss you on a personal level we would understand and want you to do what is right for you. However you did write you thought it was 'unfair' posting here, and there is a bit of me that wonders if you worry about being a burden? If that is the case then please challenge that thought. Many of us have relapses, we get 'stuck', and this is one place it should always be okay to talk through that if we need to and it helps us. So please make sure that decision is for the right reasons.

Holy moly I know I get downright fed up with myself sometimes, I exhaust my own patience quicker than other peoples thankfully.

I'll shut up now, but know that we are here for you how and when you need us.