So I'm having difficulties trying to figure out what you would call this negative experience that I'm about to talk about. I don't want to call it "trauma" because it is nowhere near being traumatic, such as CSA or anything like that. But I'm looking for the right word and looking for the best way to bring it up. (And I apologize if this is long.)

Soooo

When I was a little kid (starting from age 3), I was always very sociable. I was everybody's friend and everyone liked me. Never once did I pick a fight with anyone and I always helped out those in need. I was very giving and never expected anything in return. Even other kids' parents adored me and complimented my parents on raising "such a nice kid". I was also in a gifted child program. I was the "perfect child", I guess?

In second grade, I made my first best friend. To keep everyone anonymous, let's just call her Jane. Well, Jane and I hit it off right away. We hung out at each other's houses literally four times a week. (My parents and her parents shared babysitting.) We would play Pokemon on our gameboys (I was 7 when the first pokemon game came out, and it was all the rave!), play pokemon cards (again, all the rave), go on bike rides, watch TV, watch movies... you get the picture. I also was really involved in sports. I played softball, soccer, and basketball. I made TONS of new friends there. Again, really popular.

Then when 6th grade rolled around, everything went to sh#t. Out of nowhere, all of my friends disowned and ousted me. LITERALLY (and I mean quite literally) I lost all of my friends in one day. ONE DAY. I have no idea why or what I did, but everyone hated me. They turned on me. Even my own best friend disowned me. And for the life of me, I could not figure out what I did wrong (and I still can't). I mean, the day before, everything was fine...? I had literally went to hang out with Jane at her house the previous day. (But to be fair, this is around the time my mental illnesses started to take place.)

Basically, I had gone to sit down with my "friends" at lunch, and they told me, "no, you can't sit here anymore. Someone else is sitting there." And sitting in front of me on the table was a bag of cheesy whales. So obviously they pretended that someone was sitting there by putting the cheesy whales there... but I knew that the only one who brought cheesy whales to school was my best friend, Jane. (Everyone else brought Goldfish.) So I knew it was her who did that. HER IN SPECIFIC. Like she was the "mastermind" behind all of this.

Then I just politely got up without saying a word and proceeded to sit down at an empty table where some other loner was sitting. We'll call him Mike. Then everyone stared at me. Whatever. Surprisingly, I wasn't crying or anything.

Then a bunch of girls walked up to me and actually spat at me while I was sitting at the table. (Same day during lunch.) Then they took my lunch and knocked it off the table. wtf. They told me I didn't deserve friends and that I should go kill myself. (Literally, that's what they said.)

Then in every class I had (and seriously, I wish I were exaggerating), there was this girl who we'll call Elizabeth. Well, Elizabeth was my friend from kindergarten, and she kept telling everyone that I was a loner and that my only friend was Mike. That's the only thing she did.

Mike wasn't well liked. I think he was just very shy... but he was very greasy looking, as if he hadn't showered in weeks etc. etc.. So they were basically making fun of me and Mike. Like, "oh, you're friends with the gross kid". That kind of thing.

But that very same day during lunch (I know, right?), my "friends" came over to my table and told Mike that they wanted to be his friend. (No they didn't. They were sort of high maintenance and he was, well, pretty low maintenance.) They did it to make me feel even worse. And when I got up to pick up my lunch that they knocked off my table, Jane shoved me to the ground. Then they all laughed at me. wtf. And one of them even made me get a detention by telling the teacher that I called a child with Down's Syndrome "retarded". (I would never do that. I have a cousin with Down's Syndrome.) Yeah, got detention for 1 week straight.

Then during detention (next day during lunch), one of my good friends (we'll call him Jack) beat me up when the teacher wasn't looking. He punched my arm and then grabbed it so hard that he bruised it. And Elizabeth OF COURSE had to come by and say I should seriously think about killing myself "because everyone wants it". She even "offered" to get me a knife so that I could do it. She said I could try cutting my wrists with a plastic knife from the lunch room.

So obviously everyone had been planning this for weeks or something. IDK. But ever since then, I have never ever wanted to be social. I became paranoid. I was a huge reject and I didn't know what I did wrong. I became totally self conscious. I actually PREFERRED to be alone with no friends. I clammed up. Literally, my life had shattered before my eyes. My only guess is that I had undiagnosed mental illnesses that made me do something I didn't realize. (Definitely ADHD, and likely bipolar.)