Besides enduring a lot of trauma in your youth (being bullied by your family) you have neither an income or a good support system--I think you should be proud of yourself for not giving up, soldiering on.

Your posts are not boring!

Some of us have certain tendencies which will be with us for the rest of our life. Just when we think we have conquered the demon, a little stress comes along and the old familiar patterns (coping mechanisms) repeat again and again. Sometimes when we change our environment and friends that can help but sometimes it is hard to get an enviroment that is healing (the perfect job, family, etc.) As far as going in circles goes, here is an example: my H and I had a big fight on Monday and Tuesday. At the end of it, we could help but notice that the underlying themes in our fights have not changed for 30 years! Unless I get rid him and find another--our fights are going to be like this until death do us part!