Hello Alexander_29: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I see you're still pretty new here. So... to PsychCentral! Hopefully being here on PC can be of some comfort & support. Continuing to post with regard to your struggles, as well as reading & replying to other members' posts may be helpful. But also, once you've had 5 posts reviewed & approved, you'll be able to join in the chat rooms & correspond with other members in real time. You may find that helpful as well:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/calendar.php

I wish you well...