The stress and argument between you and your husband is concerning, but so it your son's wish to cease his service. Do you know why? While it may be a simple case of just not wanting to do it any more I am thinking it may be more serious - especially for him to come home to a situation he knows is a difficult one. Ultimately though he is an adult. I'm not saying don't interfere; try to find a reason to be supportive.

As for the family dynamic, I am sorry about this situation. I have some appreciation for this. In my case it was the differing viewpoint about responsibility and discipline that was always a sore point (I had a rather stricter view).