An old care coordinator gave me this list once. There are a lot of different things you can try, I don't know if it will help or not.
http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf
Ten years is a long time, I hope you can keep it up. 
Keep reaching out here if it might help at all, even if it's just to vent 
__________________
Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin
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