As a child I was in and out of hospitals due to my chiari malformation and I've had social anxiety since I was a baby. In 1998 I was given a psych evaluation and they determined I had anxiety (duh) and was put on Paxil. I also saw a few different therapists that would encourage me to come out of my shell. Ever since I was a child I would see bugs on my bedroom walls that would frighten me enough to scream out for help and my mom would come in and tell me there was nothing there. So then in 2007 I was a senior in high school which was total hell for me because of bullying and in February of that year I became so depressed I tried to kill myself. Back then I was seeing a counselor and psychiatrist that diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder, avoidant personality, and mild depression. They gave me klonopin and Effexor. I survived but when I woke up I had to puke. So then after I graduate high school I started college which was better since I chose to do it online. Then a couple years after I graduated college I became severely depressed again and tried to commit suicide a second time. So I was weaned off of the two drugs I had before. This time around in January of 2015 I tried to take my life again but I told my sister what I did and they took me to the ER. I was petitioned by the hospital social worker to go by ambulance to Havenwyck psychiatric hospital where I stayed for 7 days. They gave me Zoloft and Trazadone. After I was discharged I saw a therapist and a psychiatrist that I'm still seeing to this day. I told him about my hallucinations and that I would occasionally hear people calling my name even though the house was empty. I went through several trial and errors trying different antipsychotics. I was hospitalized twice since last year. My pdoc changed my diagnosis from major depression to Bipolar type 1 severe mixed episodes with psychosis. Since my most recent hospitalization I've been given a large cocktail of drugs. I am on Cogentin, Seroquel, Cymbalta, Toprol XL, Protonix, Claritin, Ativan, and Neurontin. I have a family history of anxiety and depression on my dad's side and on my mom's side my grandmother has Bipolar and Schizophrenia. I am worried I may be in the prodromal phase of schizophrenia because of my hallucinations and because a couple days ago I woke from sleep and thought my tv was talking about me and telling me, "I can see your every move! I know where you are don't hide from me!" It scared me so much I leapt from the couch I was sleeping on, fell to the floor and started crawling on my hands and knees and as I was scurrying to the hallway I hit my knee really hard on the kitchen tiles and as soon as I got to the hallway where the tv couldn't see me I started hyperventilating. My heart rate skyrocketed and I was literally sitting on the floor in the hallway too afraid to go back into the living room. I become suspicious of other people's motives against me and I literally get into fights with friends and family members because I believe they are trying to deceive me. I've been blocked by quite a few people on Facebook because of my tendency to go digging for information against me in any way possible. My sister and niece both unfriended me on Facebook and that's left me feeling a lot of regret and shame. My ex boyfriend turned out to be a registered sex offender that had cheated on his ex wife several times, was physically violent towards her in front of their kids and an alcoholic. He has his own demons and I have mine. From the time one of his exes messaged me about his past telling me he is a pathological liar and isn't to be trusted. I confronted my boyfriend who told me she was the liar. So then I went digging for the truth. I stood by his side for over a year, gave him money, and bought him a brand new phone to replace his old one and he broke it 5 months later. Lucky for him I also gave him my spare iPhone. I found out who his ex wife is and contacted her asking if the rumors were true. She confirmed my suspicions to be true. Then I got a text from my boyfriend saying his wife was threatening to take full custody of their kids and have him sign his rights over to her. I got nasty with him and called him horrible names that I regret now. I told him if you're going to block me then at least tell me first. So that's exactly what he did. He told me I was invading his privacy and indirectly hurt his children. Then he told me "blocked". And that was it. I am still in love with him and all of this drama is extremely upsetting to me. I've had thoughts of hurting myself badly . He was my first boyfriend in my entire life. He is extremely manipulative and a pathological liar.