Saw T2 tonight. He knows T1 professionally and says he honestly has no idea what the ****ing guy is doing but he doesn't like it. He said "no way are you going to that appointment on Friday. You're not going."

I know it may sound infantalizing, but I think part of me is stuck in such a childlike state that it was an enormous relief for someone to tell me what to do. I told him "but...I could go and express my anger towards him and work through that." He said "Not on Friday. Not this Friday." I told him I had already made the appointment and it's too late to cancel because I still have to pay, and then offered to knock the missed appointment fee off of his own fee just to not see me go because he said it would be unkind of him to let me go see this person who's torturing me. He said "Friday is a no."

I really needed someone to speak to the child in me. I am currently too disorganized and off balance to help her. I needed someone else who I respect to tell me "No."

He says T1 is just a fantasy of someone in my life I never got to meet, which is very sad.

But no on Friday.

I think I'm not even going to let T1 know. I think I'm going to just not show up and put a check for the missed appointment fee in the mail.